First of May

It's first of May! 

It's not usual for me to write for the first day of every month. But, it's Labor Day. 

Meaning? I am free.

Not entirely free though. Still lots of unfinished job awaiting me and I m gonna work today but nah, it's still a holiday.

Woke up with meaningful video of a 12 years old kid. Yup, it made my day.

You won't get over fears that you have if you don't try at the very first place. 

So here I am. I am afraid of judgements. I am afraid how the other humans on this planet judge me. It might be easy for every other people to ignore all the judgements but not me. 

Yes, I always want to prove that I am capable for something, I always want to be the ideal person that every other people expect in their opinions. 

But, I'm gonna change these. I am not sure how far can I go. In fact I am uncertain of so many things. But there's only one thing I have proven right for all the time, if you don't stand up for yourself, if you don't have faith in yourself, nobody's gonna believe in you. 

Fell down and more falls each and every day. It's hard to get up, it's normal wishing there's someone to pull you up,it's okay to stay down for awhile.but don't keep that status forever. You just gonna fight back. You just gonna trust that you are possible. 

It's first of May. Just start all over again :)

And I am gonna be somewhere I should be! 

Yes. Negativities pull me down. And no, nobody cares how you drown. 

So I won't let that happened.

It's just part of life or part of path that need to be gone through. 

So I can understand how it feels. To create empathy in me. 

I saw sorrows. I see weaknesses. I know how they feel and I know why they are so.

Whenever people told me that someone's weird, someone so depress that they don't understand why he or she is acting so. I remain silence. 

You don't understand. I whisper quietly.

There's always reason why people are acting so. Always.

You don't understand. Because you have everything. Because you didn't listen.

That's why I exist. I wish to be the ears. Or at least the one who can heal.

To approach those who thinks that they aren't good enough. No, I don't give compliments just to please them and make them feel good. These people , they know better than you. They know you don't know a thing about them, your praises are out of sympathy. No they don't need all these. That's why I am here. To understand and see the good of them. There's something in them. But everyone is too busy to love themselves that they have no time to nurture the others. They termed is as self care but not self fish. Agree in some sense.

But we all need a someone.

I need a someone too. Just not here yet.

There are things or decisions that I regretted on.

And I regretted for listening too much on people's "advices".

So if I were to give one or two words to the younger me, I would ask her not to take "advices" seriously, unless from those who are really older, experienced, and wise. You know how to differentiate. 

Don't ever take anyone's emotions that serious. You shouldn't be the one who bear all their negativities and angers. Because at the end of day, when you can't take it anymore, you are the one who fall into pieces and the worse thing is they don't give a damn. 

And dear future one, just do whatever you want and stop having fears. This is your life after all. Those who laugh at your dream, those who look down on you and those who claims they support you no matter what but never did, prove them wrong. Just ignore those voices.

There are people who love you, unconditionally. 

:) and its 2am

在想，讨厌中文的人是不是会讨厌很爱中文的人。

好吧，乱想的。

可能更多的是，对人类的害怕恐惧症。

竟然还真窝囊得没有勇气在公开平台上发表自己的文字，所以写了、删。

凌晨的夜晚是有点安静。是的，从何时开始，对人类的不信任感就愈渐增加。

从何开始，竟然害怕分享、省略倾述。

是的，不属于正常的归类。所以Liv，Leave，顾名思义。何时何刻都在想着 离开。

离开看似负面，却不是那么一回事。

只是表达平静的一种方法。

朋友诉说小时候常在小说找得到的情节、感想（*以前网络不发达）

突然就有点不可思议，原来我们长那么大了。原来到了一个很现实的年龄。

可是也原来，我无法给予中肯或偏见的意见。完全的沉默，也完全的没有任何评语。

原来，离情情爱爱的世界有点远了。也原来，再也无法理直气壮的告诉朋友，爱是全部。即使再没有面包，只要有爱就什么都足已。

不是的。我只说了一句。都是一种选择吧。选择了就别后悔，也请趁还能够选择时选择。别不清不楚，苦了自己也苦了别人。看似很多句，相信我，我只说了第一句。

好了。

Often you feel unfortunate, or mistreated 

Often you feel incomplete or stress

But you never know how blissful you are.

You have everything that others long for

You have everything.

But human never get satisfied. That's fact. 

Standing far looking at those happenings. Drew out more smiley faces to encourage people who need it.

It gets empty anyway. 

It gets ..... Unnoticed that it needs to be refilled.

And surprisingly, it get blamed.

I was just wondering what's going on. 

Why do we all take things for granted.

When would we be awaked and realized that we shouldn't be doing this.

I guess never.

Today, I gave you some energy.

And thanks for lending me your ears.

 

是自己太傻，才会如此相信人。

为什么渐行渐远？

可能成长了，各自的观点不一样。

爱还在，隔着沉默。

试图改变些什么。

#离开流浪去