逝。

长大了，才发现感情能有多脆弱。

再动人，再感动，竟也抵不过金钱、权利、利益。

假装能装多久？懵懂能装多久？

终于愿意接受回不到原来单纯的事实。

终于愿意从自我催眠的梦里醒来。

是的，我忍的不是你。是我对你的怒。对你累积了那么那么久的怒。

这些负能量是因为我修练不够深。

但亲爱的，你教我的，我学会了。

谢谢。也希望你学会我想要你懂得的。

世界不该只是如此。至少我的世界不是。

再怎么美丽、豪华，不过如此。

亲，抬头望望天空，真的吗？

金钱、权利、利益？

我们呢？那一部分的我们逝去了，而你还没发现。

这刺痛，我会记得。

再见面的以后，我们会在分岔路。

但，很真诚的祝福，是我送你的。

New.

I changed something. Same like part of me has changed when time goes by.

People told me that they accept who I am. But they don't really do. They hope others accept who they are. That's about it. But when it's you, it's just words.

It sounds dissapointing. But I guess I slowly accept the way it is. Who am I to expect right ? 

I am not sad over this. Just kind of smirk at myself. Why do I always have faith in something so easily. 

But anyway, everything else is cool.

I hope when I leave, you will remember the impact I made in your life. At least something.

Good things :)

I am leaving for good. Forgive me if the future me choose not to say goodbye. Because I will be back. And when I am back, please welcome the different me :)

不管了，就豁出去。

反正，有可能是最后了。那就把所有当最后来对待。

完了，就完了。

🙄

The feeling of head exploding.

Okay I feel kind of funny.

I woke up and I don't feel like going to work. I took MC saying that I have diarrhea and fever. 

LOL, and it all came true.

Wow, *slow claps* bravo. 

If I say I gonna be a billionaire, will it came true? 

LOL!

Damn funny.

And those clients *slow claps*, told me,

Huh you MC a? But can you send me this by tonight. 

Er. Sure why not. Fever won't die and I should be working 24/7 right. That's how it should be.*roll eyes*

Fine, you better close the deal. If not I gonna...!!!! Nothing. I can't do a thing. *sad face*

Alright, time to squeeze myself. Push myself.

Pressure myself. 

Thanks! You guys awesome! *roll eyes one more time*

Lock

Like usual, like last time. 

It's been blocked. All blocked. 

The brain refused to release the emotion it supposed to. I thought I can manage it this time.

I thought. But, still, it starts to defend. So hard that no words can get through it.

I was trying to remember all the moments that I should but I couldn't. It's all blocked. 

I was supposed to release all the emotions that night and I know I will. But nothing happened. As usual, I blocked it. There's a voice saying, no. 

It's like being locked in a room, you look through the bug transparent glass and you can't do a thing.

It's locked. What should I do to unlock it? Maybe deep down, I know there's a bad consequences that I may not able to handle if I truly unlock it. Damn. Seriously?

Everytime.  

Fruitful

Talked to a friend.

Well, we have kind of special friendship.

She is the one who called me for all these years. Every single time. From primary until. We from 2 different worlds I would say. 

But I am glad she never ever thinks that taking the initiative to talk me is tiring or unfair. In fact we did this everyday last time and now once in a while. 

I got a lot of besties. Yes thank to God, I am lucky. And each and everyone them connect to me in an unique way :) 

Thank you, for talking to me. Making me your listener. 

I learnt and grow. You grow too, throughout these years. You are mature now. From the one who told me about idol for 2-3 hours till now you told me about life. It's amazing. I love seeing all these changes :)

You words changed my mind. Thanks for being honest and wanting the best for me. 

Thanks for telling me in every way you can that you will support me no matter how. Some words hit. I have always been giving too much options myself. Should rethink how's the journey should be. 

The world is so big and beautiful. Humans are beautiful. Communication and understanding are the elements that we lacked of. 

One said to me that don't think you aren't important. Cause even a small action you did can impact someone. You just never know. 

It is true. Kindness is not how big or how you give. It's all the small matters you do. The kindness to others :) 

So yep, another angle to see things. I will be awesome tmr.

It's all about choices.

You can always choose to be who you want to be. 

You said you want both. 

But babe. It doesn't work that way. You know right.

That's not gonna work and it will eat you up in the end.

. Once again. You chose it that way so you gonna pick that up yourself. 

And yep, I choose the way which I think is right too. From the little tiny actions. You just kind of know what's going on. Again, choose to be fool because it hasn't gone too far that I couldn't control. So don't take it for granted. 

Let the Orinoco flow

She talked. Then she stopped.

And then She started making it a habit to stop herself whenever she feels like expressing all those feelings.

When it sounds like craps and people don't take it seriously,

She feels empty. 

Then she walked away. She stop talking. 

That makes her good at realizing and understanding people's pain. 

She'll be there for them. But occasionally, she needs break too. She needs to empty herself again before she fills herself up with mixtures of emotions from outside.

She has a unicorn. But she never rides it. She keep it on a boat. She gonna sail one day from Peru to Cebu, hear the power of Babylon. 

She stares she waited. And story continues next time.

Once in a month.

That's when I try to mess everything.

6.28pm. 

我们有着太多的抱怨，太少的感恩。

亲，

我会突然凝望天空，多想就这样、这一刻，飞翔。

多少人活着，却每一天咒骂。

困在原地，是必然还是选择。

我们竟渐渐遗忘。

既然清楚自己想要些什么，就好好的实践。

亲，

害怕并无法熄灭任何想要奔跑飞翔的梦想。既然想了快一年，就这么踏上那条路。

会很苦很苦。会很酸很酸。会很伤很伤。但，准备好了，就不要害怕。

人生是自己的，不必向任何人解释。但，记得要撑住。

一定要。

L。

人们总是希望别人的迎合，希望如自己预期的反应，性格。一旦有反差就心生厌恶。

不是天使，更无法迁就每一个人而失去了自己。也在挣扎中成长，如无法体会、了解一个人的故事，是不是就能随便评论。如无法珍惜安静的用心，是不是就能理所当然？

段翼了，筑墙了，扎刺了，是不是因为害怕而变得冷漠就是一个错。是谁定下冷漠就一定是负面、伤感？

大笑才能拥有阳光？

如此的如此又为何要解释？

亲爱的，不久以后，你会否偶尔想起那曾经为笑容绽放的努力？你会否怀念那曾经不管天高地厚的憨直？

因为时间岁月经历而改变的一切是否就无法被理解？那就用第三种方式解决。

地球依然自转，太阳照样升起，你还是呼吸着，就别害怕少了些什么。

Chatted for hour.

It's been a long time since I shared my stories. 

It's been a long time since there's someone actually trying to understand why and how.

Thanks. 

But I am sorry. The wall.

I am not strong, I know where am is standing and I will be stronger. 

Just time matters.

And

What about me?