逝。

长大了，才发现感情能有多脆弱。

再动人，再感动，竟也抵不过金钱、权利、利益。

假装能装多久？懵懂能装多久？

终于愿意接受回不到原来单纯的事实。

终于愿意从自我催眠的梦里醒来。

是的，我忍的不是你。是我对你的怒。对你累积了那么那么久的怒。

这些负能量是因为我修练不够深。

但亲爱的，你教我的，我学会了。

谢谢。也希望你学会我想要你懂得的。

世界不该只是如此。至少我的世界不是。

再怎么美丽、豪华，不过如此。

亲，抬头望望天空，真的吗？

金钱、权利、利益？

我们呢？那一部分的我们逝去了，而你还没发现。

这刺痛，我会记得。

再见面的以后，我们会在分岔路。

但，很真诚的祝福，是我送你的。

New.

I changed something. Same like part of me has changed when time goes by.

People told me that they accept who I am. But they don't really do. They hope others accept who they are. That's about it. But when it's you, it's just words.

It sounds dissapointing. But I guess I slowly accept the way it is. Who am I to expect right ? 

I am not sad over this. Just kind of smirk at myself. Why do I always have faith in something so easily. 

But anyway, everything else is cool.

I hope when I leave, you will remember the impact I made in your life. At least something.

Good things :)

I am leaving for good. Forgive me if the future me choose not to say goodbye. Because I will be back. And when I am back, please welcome the different me :)

不管了，就豁出去。

反正，有可能是最后了。那就把所有当最后来对待。

完了，就完了。

🙄

The feeling of head exploding.

Okay I feel kind of funny.

I woke up and I don't feel like going to work. I took MC saying that I have diarrhea and fever. 

LOL, and it all came true.

Wow, *slow claps* bravo. 

If I say I gonna be a billionaire, will it came true? 

LOL!

Damn funny.

And those clients *slow claps*, told me,

Huh you MC a? But can you send me this by tonight. 

Er. Sure why not. Fever won't die and I should be working 24/7 right. That's how it should be.*roll eyes*

Fine, you better close the deal. If not I gonna...!!!! Nothing. I can't do a thing. *sad face*

Alright, time to squeeze myself. Push myself.

Pressure myself. 

Thanks! You guys awesome! *roll eyes one more time*

Lock

Like usual, like last time. 

It's been blocked. All blocked. 

The brain refused to release the emotion it supposed to. I thought I can manage it this time.

I thought. But, still, it starts to defend. So hard that no words can get through it.

I was trying to remember all the moments that I should but I couldn't. It's all blocked. 

I was supposed to release all the emotions that night and I know I will. But nothing happened. As usual, I blocked it. There's a voice saying, no. 

It's like being locked in a room, you look through the bug transparent glass and you can't do a thing.

It's locked. What should I do to unlock it? Maybe deep down, I know there's a bad consequences that I may not able to handle if I truly unlock it. Damn. Seriously?

Everytime.  

Fruitful

Talked to a friend.

Well, we have kind of special friendship.

She is the one who called me for all these years. Every single time. From primary until. We from 2 different worlds I would say. 

But I am glad she never ever thinks that taking the initiative to talk me is tiring or unfair. In fact we did this everyday last time and now once in a while. 

I got a lot of besties. Yes thank to God, I am lucky. And each and everyone them connect to me in an unique way :) 

Thank you, for talking to me. Making me your listener. 

I learnt and grow. You grow too, throughout these years. You are mature now. From the one who told me about idol for 2-3 hours till now you told me about life. It's amazing. I love seeing all these changes :)

You words changed my mind. Thanks for being honest and wanting the best for me. 

Thanks for telling me in every way you can that you will support me no matter how. Some words hit. I have always been giving too much options myself. Should rethink how's the journey should be. 

The world is so big and beautiful. Humans are beautiful. Communication and understanding are the elements that we lacked of. 

One said to me that don't think you aren't important. Cause even a small action you did can impact someone. You just never know. 

It is true. Kindness is not how big or how you give. It's all the small matters you do. The kindness to others :) 

So yep, another angle to see things. I will be awesome tmr.

It's all about choices.

You can always choose to be who you want to be. 

You said you want both. 

But babe. It doesn't work that way. You know right.

That's not gonna work and it will eat you up in the end.

. Once again. You chose it that way so you gonna pick that up yourself. 

And yep, I choose the way which I think is right too. From the little tiny actions. You just kind of know what's going on. Again, choose to be fool because it hasn't gone too far that I couldn't control. So don't take it for granted.