Same old shit

I remembered there was once when I was 16/17, I went to see my teacher, one of the fierce one in school, to hand in something. I don't remember what's went wrong, but she yelled at me,scolded me in front of the whole class of student whom I don't know who. It feels sucks. Feels like I am being judged by the whole world and I did something so wrong that I should be in jail. Metaphor. 

I remember I went back to my own class after the yelling and scolding from her. I never tell a word to anyone. I smile and I talked to everyone. More hyper and crazier. 

It's suppressing emotions. One of the way. Which I still do it now. 

I am underperform. Which in another point of view, categorized in the failure part. I wasn't too happy. It's shitty for me. And I did the same old thing. Smile. Play around. Crazier than normal, usual times.

I hope someone walk straight to me and tell me to not do this anymore. I hope someone saw all the upset disaapointment fears insecure lost behind.

But that's just fantasy. One second fantasy.